are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
