he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
The power of my boobs compel you
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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