I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
