one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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