I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
