Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
