wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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