If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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