Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
God, I missed his penis.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
