I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
