I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
