I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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