Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Randomize
