he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Princesses don't give blow jobs
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize