Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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