awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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