yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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