He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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