She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Randomize
