If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I think my fart just growled at me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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