that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
