I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
