when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
