I wish I could teleport
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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