how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
