New invention idea: vibrating tampons
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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