turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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