i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
