I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize