he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize