Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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