I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
