you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
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