I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
