So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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