and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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