I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Randomize
