is your mom at the bar?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I'm passing your future prison.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
