Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
