he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
FUCK WHALES
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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