Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
