dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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