Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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