she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
