as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
