my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
