I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
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