This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize