At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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