ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Let's get the cat blown out
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
