She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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