i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize