i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
