you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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