don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize