Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
