end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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