dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
