dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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