I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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