the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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