she woke up with a sticky ear
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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