none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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