Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
