obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize