I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
