He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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