1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
