piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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