i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
