Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
