You really coming over, don't trick.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
