youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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