Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
