South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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