Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
