after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
