Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
