You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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