Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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