I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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