I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
