I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
