Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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