Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
only if we run a train.
done.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
