Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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