Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
