I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Pants are for mortals
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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