Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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