Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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