How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
