Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
