look no pants
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
