she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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