i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
it was like his penis was on wheels.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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