i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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