I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
