I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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