You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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