Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
