It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
