He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
