fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Someone shit on the floor
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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