Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
