she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
