i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
