party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
