I wish I only lived at night.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
what the fuck happened to the tacos
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
